Honoring My Mom

As I sit here I can't believe 10 years has gone by since I learned mom had passed away. It was kind of an odd day. I had decided I wasn't going to go to Seattle and see her over the long holiday weekend. We "talked" on Friday night and I explained that Matt, I and the girls were going to just be home for the weekend. I would come back first thing Tuesday morning. Since she couldn't speak I saw a look in her eyes that was very different. One of I give up, I can't do this anymore. I hugged mom tightly and said Goodbye mom, do what you need to do. At that moment there was this weird peace. I really didn't think anything of it at the time. To tell you the truth, I just wanted to get to the ferry and get back home. I hated feeling that way but after 4 1/2 years of off and on surgeries, doctors appts and trying take care of two babies, along with caring for mom. I was tired and looking forward to a break.

Come Monday morning, Memorial Day, I called the hospital like I did every day to "talk" to mom. The nurses were acting very weird. They knew me and it was a normal routine but something just wasn't right. They said the Dr was in with Mom and can I call back in a little while. That was not normal, even when the Dr was there I'd talk him then mom. While I was waiting I had many thoughts run through my mind. One being Mom was dying. So I called back I talked to the nurse in charge and found out mom had gone into cardiac arrest and they were "working" on her. The words that came out of my mouth next still amaze me to this day. I said" She has a Do Not Resuscitate order". Immediately they stopped and as I was on the phone they pronounced mom gone.

The next few hours were surreal to me. I remember feeling that sense of loss and relief all mixed together. Mom was finally whole again. She could talk and walk and do all those things she couldn't do and finally be out of pain. But then my mom was gone.......I would not see her again. The rest of the day we just made a few phone calls to family and hung out with our neighbors, Jeff and Teresa. They took such good care of us that day. Just sat and listened and loved us.

Now here I am, 10 years later. As a little girl I never pictured my life without my mom. She was suppose to be here, playing with my girls, teaching me about being a mom and joking with Matt like they always did. But God knows best and I have accepted what He has chosen. I know one day I will meet her in heaven and we will have ALOT to talk about. Until that day....

I love you MOM!!!!